At Nowhere Farm Under the Betsy Moon

Last Saturday we spent a beautiful evening with Auntie Karin and Uncle Linford at their farm. Betsy has really come to love them now that we see them more often. She especially latched on to her Aunt Karin and later in the evening asked her to come sit on the swing with her. While they sat on the porch swing, (Karin told me later) Betsy had a heart-to-heart with her Auntie:

Betsy: Our baby died. And I'll never get to hold it. But Mommy and Daddy are going to make a new one and it will probably peek around the door when I'm going potty. It will probably watch me doing it.

Now how's that for poignant and hilarious and random all at the same time! We all had a pretty big laugh over that and also thought it was so precious that she would take Auntie Karin off by herself and talk this over with her.


Chatting on the swing


Watching the full pink moon rise over Nowhere Farm. Auntie Karin dubbed it the Betsy Moon in honor of seeing with Betsy Boo.


Under the light of the Betsy Moon...


Betsy just looked at this picture and sang "We're seein' the Betsy Moon!"

What a precious time. We feel so thankful to have such wonderful family and to finally live close enough to visit like this! :)

I love my girl...

Betsy just saw a spider way up on one of our living room windows. Here's her reaction:

B: "Look there's a spider WAY up there! There's spiders all over the place!"

Me: "How do you think it got all the way up there?"

B: "I don't know! [A look of deep thought on her face] It's a clue!"

Me: "Is it a mystery?"

B: "Yes! Maybe it climbed up some stairs? It has really strong legs to get all the way up there!"

She's really into clues and mystery right now...the other day she said she was a "ta-tech-tive" (detective). :)

The first ponytail she ever left in for more than 15 mintues...she actually kept it in for a good hour!

My Own Special Place

For Betsy, her own special place seems to be this laundry basket. She likes to put it over her head and sit in it while she watches TV. Funny, funny girl!

Cooking with Betsy

Betsy likes cooking with us so much that today she asked to play with flour. I gave her a little and some bowls and spoons. She said she was making muffins and was adding baking powder, etc. She got embarrassed when I started filming her so I didn't catch her really cute baking instructions, but it's fun anyway!

Some Betsy Happiness

Here are some recent Betsy antics...it's hard to be too sad with this funny gal around!

Crazy face!

Finding out what the big blue frog sounds like at the Newport Aquarium

Riding the blue frog!

Playing Legos with Uncle Joel

Mmmmm...I love smoothies

Betsy in her very first carnival ride...the spinning apples. She loved this but screamed in terror the entire time we rode the "Crazy School Bus."

I love my Daddy!

My Precious Little Girl

More from Betsy on our loss...I want to record these so I don't forget...

The baby's Mommy and Daddy really miss it.

I said, Yes, we really miss the baby and we don't understand why it happened. Sometimes it just happens.

With a quiver in her voice she said, "I'll never hold the baby."

She really does understand more than we know.

Just now she said, "I'll find another baby." She found a dried bean on the floor (from some we let her play with awhile back) and said, "It's the size of a bean now."

She wants so much to make things better...sweet girl.

Betsy's Perspective

I talked to Betsy today about the miscarriage, telling her simply that something happened and the baby died and went to heaven to live with Jesus. She's been processing this all day and here are some of her precious little gems:

After telling her the baby went to heaven: "But it will be back soon." Then she picked a flower outside and said, "I picked a flower to help the baby come back."

I told her that we would pray that God would send us another baby. After I had been in the kitchen and came back in the room she said, "Is there a new baby in there yet?" (This one actually makes me laugh pretty heartily.)

Tonight she piped up out of the blue and told Myron, "Mommy said the baby died." We talked about the baby being with Grandpa Detweiler and that Jesus was taking good care of it.

At bedtime I prayed with her and we prayed that Jesus would take good care of the baby. She said, "But it's not here. We'll make another one. We'll make it's toes and it's head. When the sun comes up I will draw a new one."

I'm glad she's working through it in her own way...she obviously feels comfortable enough to talk about it with us, which is really good and she seems to feel sad in her own way, and yet is also very positive about it too. She is such a healing presence to us right now...you can't stay too sad with those sparkling eyes and giggles around. We thank God for her...our precious little gift that we are even more thankful for now.

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The Club I Never Wanted to Join

This weekend we were initiated into a club that we never wanted to be a part of. Thursday afternoon I began spotting and just as it seemed to be stopping it began again. Early Saturday morning I began having terrible cramps that felt like labor. We spent from 6:30 to 11:30 am in the ER where they confirmed our worst fears. I had miscarried. The ultrasound indicated that the baby had stopped growing around 9 weeks.

We are full of so many mixed emotions. We are terribly sad. We are so thankful for our little Betsy who has been so loving and encouraging, although she doesn't know what has happened. We are unsure of what to tell her so that she will understand. We've been surrounded by so much love from our friend and family and our Father in heaven. I go from wanting to stay in bed and cry all day and wanting to get up and go enjoy the rest of my summer and have fun with Betsy and try to move on. Part of me longs to get pregnant again as soon as I'm healed and another part of me is terrified of the possibility of going through this again.

What else do you say. "God's grace is sufficient for me." That's what we will cling to.